


The fabulous emancipation of Rey of Jakku

by Littlegreenbirdy



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Catharsis, Crack, Dark Rey/ Force Ghost Ben Solo, F/F, F/M, Gen, I have a dark sense of humour, I wrote this instead of internalizing my anger., M/M, Satire, TROS salt, hopfully I’m funny., more TROS salt than Crait, this is my primal scream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlegreenbirdy/pseuds/Littlegreenbirdy
Summary: A heartbroken Rey returns to the resistance base on Ajan Kloss (that’s what the jungle planet was called, who f**king knew?) to rejoin with her pals...
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	The fabulous emancipation of Rey of Jakku

**Author's Note:**

> I find it really hard to cry, so I’ve been unable to have a real emotional release from my disappointment and anger over the ending of TROS and the Skywalker saga. So I decided instead of turning this into a stomach ulcer, I’d write about it. 
> 
> I don’t wish to commit real violence upon the people and characters mentioned here, this is a satire. In the words of Minnie Driver in Gross point blank, We joke about terrible things, we don’t do them it’s absurd! 
> 
> I’m just making myself laugh and hope I can make others laugh too.

When Poe and Finn finally released Rey from the hug, there was a ‘Pfwww” sound and Rey’s filthy outfit was suddenly purest white. 

“Is that how that happens? you break wind and it cleans your outfit?” Poe asked. 

“Yeah! it’s a little known Jedi power.” Rey confessed but Finn was even more overwrought than usual. 

“How are you alive? I felt you die Rey.. I felt it through the Force and do you think I can learn how to do that?” He sobbed. 

The wound in her soul, that place where the connection to Ben used to be seemed to catch on the breath, both in and out like her ribs were broken. Rey was so exhausted and heartbroken that the statement took several long moments for her to make sense of it. 

“You’re Force sensitive?” She blurted.

“Yeah, that’s what I was trying to tell you when we were in the sinking sands on Paasana.” He admitted. 

“You’re Force sensitive?” Poe repeated “Why did you think you had to hide that from me?”

“When I thought ‘we’ wanted to hide a lot of stuff about us.” Finn said pursing his lips primly.

“Do we have to talk about this now..” Poe said looking around nervously. 

“Do we have to do other things later?..” 

Poe slapped his palm over Finn’s mouth his eyes flitting about anxiously then removed his hand at Finn’s raised eyebrows. “Sorry” 

“What are you talking about?” Rey said growing annoyed with both of them. 

“Nothing!” Poe cried as Finn pouted sulkily.

Rey looked uneasily between the two men as Poe crossed his arms over his chest and puffed up. Stars! knew she had seen enough of male posturing on Anch-to and on the Falcon when fleeing from Crait with a fuckton of Porgs. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying not to let her frustration bubble over. 

“You’re Force sensitive” she repeated. 

“Yeah” 

“Thank R’iia, I thought you were going to make a love confession..” Rey admitted with a tiny laugh borne out of genuine relief. 

“I do love you Rey but you’re missing a vital piece of equipment.” Poe made a sound like a Lothrat that had been stepped on. “And you lack a spine.” He told Poe. 

“It’s not really me who lacks a spine..” and Poe stared off into the middle distance, almost like he was staring down someone only he could see. 

Rey checked over her shoulder but no one was standing there, she chalked up her friends odd actions to their own lack of sleep and decided to move the conversation along. 

“I was dead.. but Ben saved me, he gave his life for me.” Her voice cracked over his name, but in a weird way it was a balm too, to be able to say his name out loud when she held the secret of him so close to her heart. 

“Who’s Ben?” Finn said 

“Ben Solo.” She breathed the ache in her chest was so acute she felt like a great hand was beading her over, crushing her beneath its weight. 

“Ben Solo?” Poe said “Han and Leia’s son? I thought he die..” 

“No, he wasn’t dead or maybe he was in a way.. He was Kylo Ren..” 

Poe took Rey by the elbow and roughly steered her to the side of the crowd. “What do you mean he was Kylo Ren.” He whisper-hissed. 

“Ben Solo was Kylo Ren, he fell to the dark side but he came back, back to the light for me.. he was Ben again… He loves me and I love him… and then he was just gone.”

“Rey you’re not making any sense” Finn hissed Rey realised both men had closed off in a human shield between her and the rest of members of the Resistance. “What do you mean he was gone.”

Tears blurred Rey’s vision. “He died.. he joined with the force.” Finn and Poe’s arms enveloped her again and she sank into the embrace of her chosen brothers, weeping like the child she had never been allowed to be. After a while she collected herself enough to speak again. 

“There’s more, I know who my parents were..” she continued her voice hoarse and raspy. “My father was.. I still don’t know what my parents names were.. I guess no one thought that was important..” she paused breathing deeply through her nose “My father was Emperor Palpitine’s son.”

The twin expressions horror on their faces would stay with Rey forever. Poe’s hands slid off her like she was something that might contaminate him. Finn recoiled from her then he seemed to recover himself reaching for her again. “Rey, you can never say that again okay? Don’t tell anyone you understand? If anyone finds out you’ll be the most hated person in the galaxy.” 

Poe was nodding his agreement “We’ll just forget about this okay.” She realised he was looking at her like the sight of her was making him sick. “You killed Palpitine and we don’t mention Ben Solo, that will protect what’s left of Leia’s reputation.”

“We were a dyad, he was my soulmate Poe.”

Finn made a scoffing noise and Rey felt like she’d been slapped. 

“What was that supposed to mean?” She asked. 

“I knew Kylo Ren Rey, I’m fairly sure you gotta have a soul to be someone’s…” 

He never completely that sentence because Rey punched him in the balls so hard, they had to later be surgically removed from his body cavity. 

“Rey! What is the meaning of this.” Maz Kanata voice thundered. People were turning to find the source of the commotion.

As the diminutive orange alien approached her and Rey remembered the words she had spoken all that time ago under her castle on Takodana, a promise she had given.

‘The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.’

She felt something in her shatter and reform as beautiful and monstrous. 

A blood red light speared through the back of Maz’s skull skewering her like a squash, the lightsaber in Rey’s hand had burst to life. Red and focused. She deactivated it immediately, just like Ben had in the Snoke’s throne room on the Supremacy and Maz’s corpse hit the jungle floor. She walked towards Beaumont Kin apparently, he and many others had frozen in terror.

“You bled your kyber crystal? I don’t believe that you could do that without training I’m an expert on the Sith and you could not achieve something as complicated as bleeding a crystal in such a short space of time.”

And suddenly Beaumont was split into two halves as Rey brought the scarlet lightsaber in a wide slash down throughout the crown of his head. Rose, Kaydel and most of the other woman in the crowd of onlookers looked relieved instead of terrified. 

Rose Tico was hold up a holovid recorder out and called out to her “You’re doing amazing Sweetie.” 

“I’m Rey Palpitine.” She barked “anyone got a problem with that?” 

A short guy with curly hair stepped forward, pushing thick framed black glasses nervously up the bridge of his nose “That makes sense actually..” he stammered “you know, cause you couldn’t be this like.. you now.. powerful on your own.” 

A skinny man with the longest, weirdest shaped forehead nodded vigorously “yeah! you know that makes total sense because you couldn’t just be a woman who has abilities and have a strong complex personality..” he chuckled, “You know you women need to be related to a powerful man to be relevant, you could not just be like..”

“From an impoverished background?” 

“Yeah! See you get it!” He added condescendingly “It gives poor people the idea that they’re actual worth something. Hey is Poe Dameron still around here? I need someone to do some cheap yard work.”

Rey stared at the pair for a moment, the bespectacled guy shifted slightly, his anxiety palpable “How about a Kaf? Kaydel You’re not doing anything, why don’t you fetch..” 

By the time Rey was finished, no amount of passing gas was going to clean the red out of her outfit. 

Afterwards she stepped over the hacked up remains of the sexist racist arseholes and headed towards her quarters change. She passed by Zorri Bliss. 

Her overly raspy voice come out to the bizarre helmet. “Hey so I was just here for a friend..” but Rey cut her off, not literally! with a deathly glare 

“Take the muppet and fuck off, now..” She ordered. 

Zorri was in her Y-wing and out of the atmosphere of Ajan Kloss by the time Rey had re-emerged from her tent dressed head to toe in black, her pants hugged her ass perfectly and were tucked into high shiny black boots. The wraps on her arms were now a vivid shade of red and the sleeveless black top clear revealed both a hint of cleavage and the scar on her upper arm that was shaped like two hands reaching out for the other. 

She hadn’t really expected there to be anyone left when she returned, but there was a slightly smaller group of people mainly women but there was a healthy amount of men as well. Rose Tico, Jannah, Jessika Pava and Kaydel Ko Connix where in the front, Poe was slumped in front of them sitting cross legged on the ground. Finn was unconscious yet again, laying face down in the dirt. 

“What happened?” She asked 

“Finn thought he was entitled to take the Falcon, we think Poe was attempting to stop him, which is why I didn’t electrocute him.” Rose announced holding up her little shock gizmo. 

“Can you make me one of those?” Kaydel asked and then added “and Rey, I really love your boots.” 

She gave them a small smile but the expression faded as silvery blue ghost of man appeared in the clearing ahead of her. 

The spectre of Ben Solo tilted his head to one side and gave a wry smile, “so you’re telling me that all I had to do to lure you to the dark side was to lock you in a room with misogynistic jackasses? Seriously?” 

“Ben..” Rey sobbed. 

“Who’s she talking to?..” Rose asked Jessika sotto voce. 

Jannah said “you can’t see him?”

“No”

“Oh, it must be a force thing, there’s a very big hot guy standing in front of Rey. Great hair, like wavy and black and like long but not too long… great lips, built like a fucking brick shit house ”

Rey now in Ben’s arms locked in a passionate kiss which made the part of the audience that was force sensitive sigh but it really grossed out the non-force sensitive people. 

“What is going on?” Jessika whispered 

“I don’t know” Rose whispered back “but I’m sure as hell not interrupting her.” 

Rey broke off the kiss resting her forehead against his “I’m going to bring you back..”

“No Sweetheart, you can’t.. that’s were Vader went wrong.”

“Ben, shut the fuck up I’m getting you back.” She resolutely. “And I don’t need a meat puppet or a four foot high unshaved pseudo intellectual twat to mansplain to me how to do it.”

He sighed softly resigned “What are you going to do?” 

“Well first I’m going to Naboo because the humidity on this stupid planet is so extreme I’ve had to put my hair up in this ridiculous buns again. I’m claiming whatever shit Papa Palpitine has lying around there and on Coruscant then I’m going to figure out how the World between Worlds works and when I get you back I’m going to fuck you in every position I can think of, got it?” 

Ben consider this.

“It’s a solid plan.” He conceded.


End file.
